Gardening, fitter. Part One.

New year, stronger you, better gardener? This is my journey from a mentally ill, physically weak, very overweight and beleaguered 40-something, to a happy and contented, fit and strong 50-something.

Around 30 months ago I was completely and utterly spent. My mind was injured and my physical health was at rock-bottom, crushed by years of self-abuse and neglect. Battling mental illness for over a decade had taken its toll.

At the time of my bipolar diagnosis (August ’22, aged 48), I’d been fighting crippling depressive episodes that lasted for weeks, even months, regularly punctuated with acute mental health crises. Mercifully, as the new regime of meds and psychiatric care took effect, I was flooded with newfound positivity and hopefulness. It was as startling as a stun grenade! So, with the backing of my psych team, I committed to a simple goal. A mission:

To be mentally and physically strong by the time I was 50.

(This gave me just under two years)

This piece is all about the physical challenge. Getting my body moving. Improving my strength and mobility. Taking my new found physical wellbeing and fitness into the garden… My journey along the road to mental well-being is a tome, but it’s written and can remain idle on the shelf, for now.

Before & After

The turning of the tide

I was a very active freelance wildlife photographer for many years. I would happily trek and sprint along vast Scottish lochs, with a 20kg photo backpack, as I followed the resident otters. That kind of thing. However, the last ten years have seen a rapid decline in both physical and mental health, with major depressive episodes being the driving force behind both declines,

Fundamentally, it’s neglect. When you have zero self-esteem, feel utterly worthless, hate yourself with every cell of your being, taking care of your body seems ridiculous and fundamentally pointless. So, the ‘Get Elliott Fighting Fit Again’ journey starts here:

• With a resolute willingness and deep-seated desire to change.

• I am more than 20kg (44lbs) overweight.

• I am physically very weak. I struggle to get off the ground.

• I have poor cardio health. I am winded climbing a flight of stairs.

• I have chronic lower back pain.

• I have fibromyalgia.

• I have Stage 1 high blood pressure with a reading of 138/88

Over the years, gardening has helped keep me moderately active. Without it, I would have been in a truly wretched state. Yet, intense gardening (physical) activity comes and goes in sporadic bouts. For example, turning the compost is a great workout, but I only turn two bays, once per year. In my garden, it’s rare for any gardening activity to be long enough and regular enough to really improve cardio health.

Crucially, every spring would begin from a weaker starting point. Typically, I would fester over the winter, being sedentary for weeks on end, fighting through the winter depressive episode that arrives during Betwixmas (every year, without fail). It would then take approximately a month or more, into spring, to really feel my body wake up and move more freely again. I would then have roughly 4 months, before the summer episode arrives. So on and so forth…

On a mission

As part of my original ‘fighting fit’ goal, I wanted to start each year STRONGER than the year before. A reasonable goal. An achievable goal. A measurable goal. There’s no point in setting yourself unreasonable, sensational goals. You’re really setting yourself up for a big fail, especially if you’re nursing your mental health. If you have a huge goal and no time, it’s far too easy to renege on that commitment.

If your mission seems too vast, too big of a hill to climb, you need to divide and conquer. Break-up that long slog, into smaller achievable goals. Nobody climbs Everest in a day. There are basecamps and staging points along the way, ready for every climber to rest and recoup.

Taking control

From September ‘22, I began addressing my poor diet. Since I’d been taking Mirtazipine (antidepressant), my weight had ballooned from an ‘already fluffy’ 13 stone to well over 15 stone. The average weight-gain for this medication is 18kg (40lb). One side-affect is that you crave carbs, but your feeling of satiety is suppressed. Not a great combination.

It was a monumental effort, but I learned to say “No!” Gradually, I reduced the snacking, the deserts, the alcohol, the ready meals, etc. I kept it to three simple, balanced, home-cooked meals per day. I placed more emphasis on dietary protein, rather than carbs. For 8 weeks, I weighed my food religiously and counted the calories, just to regain some notion of a ‘normal’ portion size.

Starting from November, I began regularly weighing myself and the first measure was a particularly doughy 95kg or 210lb. I am 172cm or 5ft 8in. This weight placed me right into the BMI “Obese” category. It was an alarming thought.

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Meeting James

(I didn’t know it well enough to call it ‘gym’)
(I am so so sorry for this truly awful joke)

With the new regime of meds and psych sessions going so well, I decided to join the local gym. A no frills PureGym. It was local, affordable, with all the essential kit - free-weights, machines, cardio. The functional fitness area and showers are a nice extra. But no contract, which I like very much.

I managed to hold off the urge to rush out and buy new shorts and Ts. Even buzzing with new found confidence and self-esteem, I didn’t want to jinx the mission. I started at the gym on 31st October, with just two sessions per week.

Hitting the gym, softly

The sessions were painful, I won’t lie. Everything hurt! Not just because my limbs and muscles were getting used to the new movements, the stretching range of motion, and the exertion, but the fibromyalgia too. That lingered for a while. At times, usually after necking another paracetamol and ibuprofen chaser, I honestly questioned the sanity of this goal, but I persevered.

(I am truly grateful that I did!)

My sessions were simple: Using traditional movement patterns, using bodyweight exercises, light dumbbells, kettlebells, machines, and cable stations. I also added a short cardio session to warm-up and a longer cardio session for heart health at the end of each weight-training sessions (use cardio to exercise your heart, not burn fat). I created a rudimentary ‘lifting’ program to include these movements:

Weighted Exercises:

• Vertical Pull - Lat Pulldown and Assisted Pull-up (machine)

• Vertical Press - Overhead shoulder press (machine + dumbbell)

• Horizontal Press - Chest press, bench press (machine + dumbbell)

• Horizontal Pull - Row (machine + cable)

• Squat - Bodyweight squat, kettlebell (goblet) squat, leg press machine

• Hinge - Bodyweight back extension, kettlebell Romanian deadlift

• Extras - Dumbbell curls, machine calf raises, abdominal cable crunches, etc.

Cardio:

• Rowing machine, Spinning, Elliptical, Treadmill (walking on incline)

• Walking (Outdoors)

The movement patterns are functional, simple, but above all natural. You do not need anything else. Beware of the ‘fluffy’ nonsense circling the drain of YouTube and Instagram fitness. There are hundreds of exercises that look good on camera but are practically worthless. Some are downright idiotic. Keep it simple!

Thankfully, I discovered a great online coach. Steve Shaw, the big ugly hairy dude or BHUD, as he likes to be known, runs Massive Iron. Don’t be scared by the intimidating title. He’s a gentle giant and he cuts right through all the ‘fitness influencer’ BS. His advice and guidance has been monumental.

Take a walk

Alongside the gym sessions, I tried to fit in regular walks outside, donning the headphones and enjoying a good podcast. Walking outdoors was surprisingly beneficial. The chill winter air was a real tonic and the steady pace uphill challenged heart and lungs. Also, I felt my gym recovery was noticeably faster.

I found a local walking loop that I could break into smaller loops. The walk took me up the hill, to the open fields running up to The Ridgeway, revealing huge expansive skies. Starting off with just a thousand steps or so, I progressed to the 5,000 step loop, finally up to 10,000+ per walk.

Slow, yet steady

In the gym, I kept everything VERY gentle for the first 12 weeks. I gradually increased the weight, allowing myself the time to fully adapt to the new movements and really just moving again! I was more inclined to add additional reps to each set, rather than simply and aggressively load more weight.

After three months of mindful eating and regular exercise, something wonderful and remarkable happened. I suddenly realised I was happy.
Actually happy! Not ‘put on a mask’ happy, but genuinely happy!

It felt like the exercise was either turbocharging my meds or naturally stimulating my brain. My mind felt awake and alert for the first time in months, maybe years. My vocabulary was improving again. There were less “…umms” while I searched for the word. My creativity was returning and ideas and enthusiasm for the garden began to steadily grow.

Ramping up

Having gained a little gym-sense, I realised that using reasonable weights, even with real oomph! wasn’t going to kill me. Probably more of a relief was realising that nobody in my gym was actually looking at me or judging me in anyway. I had reached a point where it just felt natural to add a third session per week. I was ready to push the effort and ramp up the weights.

I stepped over the threshold, into the world of barbells and dumbbells. To quietly sidle into the rather daunting free-weight area of the gym, to pull up a bench next to the man-mountains, mass-monsters, grunters and roarers, protein-chuggers, close-to-the-mirror-curlers, and the dumbbell slingers.

Settling in

If you’re new to weight training, it can be intimidating, for sure. Everyone looks like they’ve been there for years and they all know the unwritten codes of conduct. Whereas, you’re there tripping over your own gym bag, trying to be invisible, wondering where to start, desperately trying not to look like a total tit.

It’s always worth remembering that everyone, EVERYONE, starts at the same place. With zero experience. I think the mature-minded, more experienced gym goers appreciate this the most. They’re not there to make fun. They’re there to workout, get their session done and dusted, focussing on each gruelling rep, of each monstrous set. They do not care what you’re doing, so long as you’re not about to kill yourself doing something stupid.

Natural development

After several weeks, you may feel like you’re making good progress (You are! You’re still going!) You’ll feel a little stronger and you’ll want to start increasing the load. Just be aware, there is always an initial rate of strength gain as your connective tissues and central nervous system (CNS) adapts. As with any new skill, you develop new neural pathways to coordinate new movements. In fact, there is so much ‘learning’, weight-training has been shown to physically increase the size of the hippocampus!

Essentially, as your CNS adapts, you become more efficient and more coordinated. Your brain is learning a new behaviours and motions. Just like learning a new language, the more you do it, the more fluent you become. Travelling along the same physiological carriageway as your rapid neural development is the infinitesimally slow and microscopic growth in your muscles. You will gain strength initially, without increasing muscles size.

Never fear, those muscles will catchup. Muscle growth is always in the slow lane. However, after twelve weeks or so, you should be able to see or feel changes. In my case, it was definitely true. I could now climb the stairs without being winded. I carried bags of compost without grimacing. I could walk a distance without a stabbing-pain in my hip-flexors. I now walked with confidence and purpose, rather than truffle-shuffling along.

The scales don’t lie

There were outwardly visible changes too. My stomach was shrinking and the scales were dropping. Two months in and I’d lost 5kg (11 lbs). Although I had retired the very tedious calorie counting, I had continued reigning in my diet and now excluded almost all UPFs in favour of all home-cooked, whole foods. I reduced my reliance on potatoes and pasta. Had more lunches without my beloved sourdough. Increased my uptake of vegetables, nuts, seeds, pulses, and whole grains.

“I embraced ‘hunger’, relearning what it actually meant. I realised that it was ‘ok’ and that I wasn’t going to pass out or die! Like so many, I’d forgotten what real hunger was, replacing it with pseudo-hunger - merely an ache for more food, the faintest feeling of emptiness, i.e. not being full! It’s absurd when you really think about.

The hunger imposter was always more excitable and rowdy when I was bored. Especially during the mid-afternoon lull. So, the quick an easy counter to my duplicitous brain was a drink (usually a pint of water) and activity. Any activity. Walking, gardening, food-prep, washing the car… Anything!”

As Fools' Day ticked by, the physical transformation was quite stark. The scales had plummeted from 95kg (210lb) in November, to a notch over 80kg (176lb), a loss of 15kg (33lbs)… It was startling! My clothes were hanging off me. My work trousers dropped down past my knees. I needed to add two notches on my belt (on the good end). I could see the contour of various lumps and bumps that I’d not seen for 25 years… A waist! And muscles!

As the summer solstice of ’23 approached, just 9 months in to my mission, I reached my initial target weight: 77kg or 170lbs or 12 stone. The final tally… I had lost a whopping 18kg or 40lbs! That’s 80 packs of butter!!

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Coming up…

I decide to take a pause or, more accurately, life decides it for me! There are setbacks and rough roads ahead, but all valuable experience. There’s the power of The Pause. Strength gains and the carry over into mental health and gardening.